Joanne

 In 1570, Queen Elizabeth I was facing massive pressure from her advisors, foreign monarchs, the Vatican, and most of Europe to choose a husband.  I will spare you a deeper discussion of the geo-political intrigue of the era to say that Elizabeth was subjected to relentless harassment because she was a female monarch and that carried the social expectation forcing women to respond to “May I speak to the man of the house, please,” and not even royalty was exempt.  

One of the leading contenders (at least on paper) for Elizabeth’s hand in marriage was Henry, Duke of Anjou.  Though he would later become Henry III, king of France, he was the fourth son of Henry II and therefore not seriously considered in line for the throne in 1570 when he began courting Elizabeth.  Royals further away from succession have historically enjoyed more freedom from court and many earned reputations as hedonistic and lascivious, to say nothing of the drunkenness.  Oh, how they enjoyed their drink.  Henry (and you better be pronouncing his name in your best worst French accent each time you read it) was no different.  He had many recorded public affairs with women of various stations.  However, he did have favored men among his entourage, upon whom he delighted with gifts and honors.  There are no historical accounts of him having sexual or romantic relationships with men, but Protestant contemporaries did record the Catholic Henry’s relationships as suspiciously close, scandalously intimate… tantalizingly tactile… deliciously dangerous… sweaty, bulging… 

So, moving forward a few years, in 1998, Cate Blanchet took on the role of Elizabeth I in the confusingly titled film Elizabeth.  The film covered the queen’s brief courtship with Henry of Anjou, played by the genuinely French Vincent Cassel.  The film pushes hard into pop feminist territory by trying to define Elizabeth as a paragon of female strength amidst a male-dominated world.  That’s very on-brand for a late 90s film, but it feels a bit empty in 2024, having been written and directed by straight men.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that.  The film documents Elizabeth’s shooing away of each suitor as she longs for a forbidden relationship with Lord Robert Dudley, a man outside of royal station.  And also married to someone else, but we’ll come back to that.

Henry is portrayed as rude, loud, and boorishly insulting in an aggressive yet effeminate manner.  The real life Henry did insult Elizabeth by publicly referring to her as a “public whore” and making cutting remarks about her age, as she was 18 years older than Henry.  The movie exaggerates the angry, closeted gay stereotype in Henry and shows that he lacks any romantic or sexual interest in Elizabeth and is unbothered by seeing Elizabeth’s romantic interest in Robert Dudley.  Elizabeth, having been made aware of Henry’s proclivities, takes advantage of his indiscretion by outing him publicly when he does not show up for a party at court.  Elizabeth, presumably through her court intel network, knows exactly where to find Henry and exactly what devious shenanigans in which he is partaking.  She leads a gaggle of ministers to a room draped with linen curtains, behind which we can see a person dressed in a fine dress on a bed with men and women in various states of undress.  Of course it is Henry in the dress and a large wig, and he is embarrassed as he turns to find Elizabeth and her crew of pearl-clutchers and tut-tutters.  Elizabeth seems to grow in stature and power as she smirks at the site of Henry and takes every opportunity to make emasculating and condescending remarks about the state of the man who was presented as a potential husband.  Henry tries to summon what dignity he can by defiantly stating that this is who he is and that he is happy dressing this way in private, not to regain his status as a candidate for king consort, but simply to alleviate his very public humiliation.  Elizabeth is almost gleeful in her dismissal of Henry, exuberant that she now had an iron-clad excuse to avoid sharing her throne.  

Throughout the film, other suitors are given gracious dismissals befitting royalty of the time, regardless of their behavior.  Elizabeth’s secret boyfriend Robert is treated to a passionate expulsion from court, despite having betrayed Elizabeth in a plot to usurp her from the throne and, oh yeah, he was also secretly married to someone else that he possibly tried to murder to free himself to pursue Elizabeth.  Of them all, the person treated most severely was the one who dared to be sassy, gay, and possibly transgender.  Plot to overthrow and assassinate the queen, keep your existing marriage secret, murder your wife for personal gain if you must… but, whatever you do, do not put on a dress without the proper gametes.  There are some things you just can’t expect people to tolerate.